Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die
by xNocturnalMEx
Summary: When Caroline moves back to her hometown after her mother's death and hurtful past, she reconnects with her old childhood friend, Axel. Things are different now, people have changed and the world isn't so forgiving anymore. *OC CharacterXAxel* *M FOR LANGUAGE, ADULT THEMES, AND POSSIBLE LEMON LATER*
1. And I Feel I Don't Belong Here

**_Ahoyy Fanfictioners!_**

**_I am back with my second fanfiction. I have had this one in the wing for SOOO long. I have had to contemplate so hard to get this story on to paper. I wrote this a few months ago and have never published it. I am a HUGE Kingdom Hearts nerd. Axel is my favorite character. I do write a bit of yaoi including Axel. My favorite pairing is probably a tie between AxelXRoxas or AxelXDemyx. Anyway I decided to go with an OC character for once. I don't do that much but I wanted to change it up. Please Please leave me your reviews and let me know what more you want. Axel will come into the story in a chapter or two so please be patient :P The story is going to seem so (excuse my french) fucking confusing at first but it will all come together. Anywho, I wish you a great day. Enjoy the story and make sure to review and/or fave 3 _**

**_-NOCTURNALME  
xoxoxoxoxoxo_**

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**Chapter 1:**

**The gates of heaven were locked shut, the pits of hell they were all filled up, and I fear I don't belong here..**

I could remember that night so vividly. The bruises that disfigured my skin, the tears that rolled down my cheeks and fell to my knees. I sat there, vulnerable, my knees pulled up to my face and my back against the building wall. I could hear the traffic at the end of the alleyway as I curled against a silver trash can. Somehow it felt safer, to be hiding away in the dark. The scream and hitting couldn't reach me here. I buried my face into my knees and shivered as a breeze swept through. I was a mistake, an awful terrible mistake. I peaked up to stair at the faint glimmers of light that were cast down the alley from the street lamps. I would leave when morning came. Run far away from here and never look back.

My breath hitched as I heard faint footsteps. The shadow of a person disrupted the light before me. I hid my face away, sobbing silently, as my shoulders shook with cold and fear. Dread filled my thoughts as the footsteps drew closer. I could feel the presence of a person standing over me. I held my breath as the person kneeled beside me. I lifted my head slightly to peak at the person at my side. It was him. My only friend in the world. Axel leaned to see my face. His eyes looked over my beaten body curiously. I watched as worry and sadness crept into his facial expression. "Caroline," He finally spoke. My name coming out of his lips not as a question or addressing me but as if meeting me for the first time in this form. A weak form. My limbs felt numb as I watched him sink to his knees, then lifting his arms to remove his jacket. All the tears came as I suddenly found myself hugging him tightly. He tensed in surprise. I felt him relax as he draped his jacket over my shoulders.

He placed his hands gently on my back, being careful not to hurt one of my many bruises. "Come on, we need to get some help." He finally spoke up. I nodded and took his small hand as he lifted me to my feet. Knees weak, I felt myself begin to sink to the ground. "Woah, its ok. Let me carry you," He offered, scooping me up in a bridal fashion before I could object. I winced a bit as one of the many purple spots on my legs were pressed. "Sorry," He spoke up, noticing my expression. I looked up to his face, his stunning green eyes and red hair falling to his eyes. He stared back in worry but finally forced a gentle smile. I rested my head to his chest as my conciousness slipped from me.

The lights were blinding as I woke. My limbs felt stiff and the air smelled heavy of antibiotics and disinfectant. I looked around this strange place. The walls white, lined with blinking and whirring machines. A chair placed in the corner beside a door. A window on the far wall, giving view to the skyscrapers at night in Kansas City. I looked back to the entrance door. Voices conversed from the hallway. I strained to listen to them, recognizing only 2. "Where will she go now?" A woman asked, anger hinting her voice. That must be Axel's mom I thought, remembering her from the time I spent at her home. "That is really up for Social Services to decide now, but since it was only neglect from the father she should be able to stay with her mother." A man replied. "Is she going to be ok?" Asked a timid voice, Axel's voice. "Yes, will she be ok?" Axel's mom pressed on too. "We expect so, but she is very frail and weak. If your son hadn't found her she would have been dead by morning," The man answered. I assumed he was a doctor. "Axel why don't you go wait in the room while me and Dr. Manson talk in his office. Ok sweetie?" Axel's mother asked delicately. "Ok mom," Axel answered, unsure. I watched as he entered the room, slowly closing the door and staring at me. "I'm scared Axe," I finally managed, my voice weak and not sounding like my own. His shoulders sunk as he began breathing again. He crossed the room, coming to my bed side. I held back my tears as I shifted to the far side of the bed. Axel gasped and reached to stop me but reeled back as he saw the full effect or bruising on my arm.

"Please," I whimpered. He hesitated but finally nodded. Axel gently climbed into the bed beside me, stretching out and resting his hands on his stomach. Scooting closer I leaned my head on his shoulder. He felt so warm, making me feel safe and loved. In all 10 years of my life, I had never been so thankful for Axel. "Am I going to die?" I choked out, sounding more childish than ever before. Axel turned to look at me, his eyes taken over with alarm. "No, I wont let that happen. The doctor said you will be ok," he reassured me, turning his gaze forward once again. "I couldn't go on if that happened," He murmured. "You're my best friend Allie," Axel admitted, turning to face me. I looked his face over as tears began to stream down his cheeks. That was the first time I saw Axel cry, and because of me.

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I sighed tiredly as I packed my trumpet away, 4 hours of practice had its toll on me. I got to my feet now, my trumpet case in tow, and crossed the band room. Grabbing my bag from the floor, I exited into the hallway. I checked my phone, it was later than I expected. My pace quickened as I can to the double doors that lead into the parking lot. I waved to a few people and smiled as I made my way to my car. I stuffed my things in the back and climbed into the drivers seat. I was surprised as the passenger side opened and my best friend climbed in, singing. "What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more," Trish sang and smiled at me. I laughed and shook my head. "How was your last day?" She asked, situating her bag in her lap as I pulled out, headed towards home. "Good, kinda made me sad though.." I admitted with a sigh. Trish gave me a weak smile and began to rummage through her bag in her lap. "I have a surprise for you!" She squealed. "What? I swear if it's a dildo or something I'm pulling this car over," I laughed, feeling a bit brighter. "No no I'm not that mean to you. Just to James," She laughed and pulled out a small wrapped box. "You can't open it until you get to your grandma's though." Trish warned. "Awhh that's no fun," I whined, smiling. "No buts about it," Trish responded in a firm tone. I shook my head and let out a breathy laugh. "Are you scared?" Trish asked after a moment of silence. I thought for a moment. "Kinda, I mean I guess things have changed a lot since I left.." I answered, unsure. "I'm sure somethings are the same though," Trish assured, putting the small present into my bag for me. "What time is the bus coming?" She asked in a flat tone. "9:30," I answered with a sigh. "You wont get there until early in the AM then," Trish stated. I hummed and nodded.

I parked the car in Trish's driveway and climbed out with her, following her into her house. Trish's mom looked out from the kitchen doorway as we came in. "Caroline, we are having a big big dinner tonight, just for you," She proclaimed in a cheery voice. "Thank you so much . I really appreciate all you're family has done for me," I returned. "The least we can do for such an amazing girl" Mrs. Hughes returned, giving me a gentle hug. "I guess I have a lot of packing to do.." I murmmured as she pulled away. "You better put Trish to use and make her help you!" She exclaimed. I laughed and watched as Trish rolled her eyes. I followed her up the stairs to our room. I held back the hot tears and forced a weak smile. I was truly scared. My life was being taken, again.


	2. The Years of my Sinning Teach me to Grow

_** Hey guys so here is chapter 2. I have been bitten with the writing bug and I am really getting into my fanfictions so expect some great updates. I have gotten one fave on one of my 2 fanfictions (I think this one). I am REALLY hoping to get some more reviews and whatnot. I will be updating this fanfiction every Sunday from now on. I have kind of a crazy school life at the moment this might vary and I apologize ahead of time for my procrastinating. I have been super sick the past 2 days and spent all of the first in the hospital so I have had time to think out my writing. I apologize for my awful grammar and spelling skills. Tell me if you see anything major. Anywho, please please review and enjoy! c: **_

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**Chapter 2:  
**

**Hearing the Echos, Madness Grows. The Years of my Sinning Teach me to Grow.**

The wind tousled my hair as I stood, hugging Mrs. Hughes, while her husband loaded my bags into the back of Trish's car. "You're such a beautiful girl, Caroline. We are going to miss you so much!" She sobbed, keeping me in a tight hug. "You guys will come visit right?" I asked sadly. "Of course honey! We will come visit for Christmas, I promise." She reassured me, pulling me away to look at my face. "Good luck," She smiled, her cheeks wet from tears. "We will keep your mom decorated all the time for you baby," She said, a trembling smile on her lips. Mr. Hughes slammed the trunk shut and came around, giving me a warm hug and patting m back. "Be a good girl Carly. I know you will be," He smiled. I nodded, I knew if I spoke again that I would burst into tears. I pulled away and made my way to the passenger seat of Trish's car. Mrs. Hughes clung to her husband, a weak smile on her face as she dried her tears, her husband wrapping his arm around her back. I climbed in as Trish started the car. I waved weakly to them as Trish backed out and continued down the road. "I think my mom would cry more about you leaving then me," Trish laughed, trying to lighten the mood. I laughed and buckled my seat belt.

"Ready for this?" Trish asked weakly. I shook my head and sighed. "You're going to be so happy," Trish smiled knowingly. "I hope so," I answered, trailing off. I felt my phone vibrate in my purse. I unzipped it and pulled it out. I had gotten a text from my cousin.

**_Txt from Bella: Hey Carly! I'm so excited to get to see you again! :D Text me when you get here so we can come pick you up, kay? Love you! Have a nice trip!_**

I smiled a bit and slid my phone back into my purse. "Bell?" Trish asked with a laugh. I nodded and smiles. Me and my Bella and been very close friends as kids. I remember spending the night at her house a lot. Trish huffed a sigh and turned on a CD. She was a pretty big Black Veil Brides fan so I wasn't surprised to hear 'Lost it All' through the speakers. "This song fits my life," I murmured quietly. Trish hummed in thought for a moment. "Everything will work out. I know it," She smiled to me.

I waited at the desk as the women typed on her computer and processed my ticket. I looked over as Trish sat on a bench in front of the huge window. "Alright, one 9:30 ticket to New York. Bus B11 at the second gate," She read from the ticket and handed it to me. I nodded and thanked her before joining Trish. I sat down and informed Trish of my bus gate. "Sure you have everything?" She asked, standing up with my and grabbing one of my bags while I got the other and my purse. I nodded and went outside as she followed. The cold wind whipped my hair into a mess as we walked down the sidewalk to my gate. "Hopefully it is warmer in New York," Trish joked. "I doubt it," I laughed with a smile. A few other people were boarding the large Grey Hound as I handed my luggage to the man loading the underside of the bus.

I turned to Trish and let out a weak sigh. "So this is it?" She asked, her voice beginning to quiver. I nodded as the tears began to fall from my eyes. Trish pulled me into a hug. "You're going to be great. It's a brand new start. Don't let anyone get you down Carly. You are perfect," She cried my my ear. "Mhmm," was all I could manage as I sobbed. "We are going to miss you so much. I know you'll be happy. Just remember, we all fall down sometimes," She smiled, now looking into my eyes with a longing smile, that I would never forget. "Thank you..for everything," I returned, hugging my best friend for the last time before weakly letting go and heading to the bus door.

I climbed aboard and sat towards the back, gazing out the window as she stood there. She held the front of her jacket closed as the wind whipped her long brown hair in the back. Her green eyes were so gentle and sad as she gazed back at me. I began to wave goodbye to her as the doors closed and the bus began to pull away. She smiled widely and made a heart shape with her hands. I laughed and returned the sign before I could no longer see her.

I settle into my seat, placing my purse beside me and leaning my hear on the window. I sighed and wrapped my arms around my midsection. The bus was silent except for the murmuring of a mother as she sang a quiet lullaby to her tired child. I felt drained and lonely as I closed my eyes and fell asleep against the window.

The lights were blinding as my eyes slowly opened. A pair of emerald eyes meeting my gaze. "You came back huh?" A voice asked. "I never left," My own voice said. "Are you still the same or has everyone ruined that?" The voice asked sternly. "I..I have ruined myself. I'm dead. I have been since that day. Maybe not physically but on the inside I'm limp and numb," My own voice whispered huskily.

I snapped awake as the intercom of the bus came on overhead, "alright we will be arriving at the station in about 10 minutes. Make sure to get all your belongings as you exit." I sighed and steadied my breath. I spent most of the time sleeping or writing out music scales to ease myself. I know I'm a huge loser. I am ok with that really. I took out my phone and checked a new text I had gotten from my friend Johnny.

_** Txt From Johnny: Hey Carl I'm so sorry I couldn't send you off but I had to play that gig or the guys would have been super pissed. v.v I miss you. Call me sometime c:**_

I smiled slightly. Me and Johnny had been quite close and I thought I was actually forming feelings for him but that didn't matter now. I text Bella that I was coming up to the station and stuffed my phone back into my purse as the bus tuned onto an exit. I looked out the window, seeing downtown New York in the far distance. I couldn't remember the last time I saw so many lights. It was as if New York was a glowing sun on the surface of Earth. The bus pulled up to the station and rolled to a stop, the door squeaking open. I stood up and filed off the bus after everyone else, my purse over my shoulder. I grabbed my bags from the man unloading the bus and wandered into the station. Even at 4AM the station was super busy with people. I took a seat on a bench near the front entrance and waited for Nana and Bella to arrive.

I looked up as I heard someone squeal my name. I stood up as Bella ran towards me, her arms outstretched to hug me. Bella crashed into my, hugging me tight and making me stumble back a bit. "It's so great to see you!" She exclaimed, pulling away as our grandmother came up. I gently hugged Nana. "Hey Nana, how are you?" I asked calmly. "Just wonderful. Boy you have grown into such a beautiful lady," Nana compliment. I giggled and let go of her. "Welp I'm sure you're very tired so let's get home and catch a few Z's," Nana mused. I nodded with a smile and picked up one of my bags, Bella grabbing the other. Bella was 12 rs old, 2 years younger than myself. She had long auburn hair and beautiful blue eyes. She was quite short and felt like a younger sister to me because of her pleasant and cheery disposition.

Me and Bella put my stuff in the back seat of Nana's camry. I crawled into the passenger seat as Bella got in the back beside my bags. The street lights flickered on the dash as we drove through the outer part of the city where Nana lived. I remembered this city, this town. It had once been my home. Now it felt strange and different. "In the afternoon tomorrow I thought we would go get you signed up for classes," Nana broke my thoughts. "Hm? Oh yeah that sounds great," I answered with a distant smile. "Thinking too hard?" She asked without looking over at me. "Haha I suppose so," I answered with a smile. "I'm so tired," Bella yawned from the back. "She insisted on coming to get you even though she has school tomorrow," Nana informed me with a laugh. I smiled and shook my head. It was glad to know someone here remembered me.

Nana's house was a mid-sized normal house. She had lived there since before I was born. I remembered staying with her on the nights my mother worked and my dad was too drunk to take care of me. Nana parked the car in the garage and hit the button overhead so the door closed itself. I climbed out, taking on of my bags from Bella and following the pair into the kitchen through the garage door. The house was warm and inviting as it had always been. Nana flicked on a set of lights by the door and crossed to the far wall, hanging up her coat and checking a pot of coffee she had left brewing. "Bella, show Carly to her room while I make us some coffee please? Cream?" Nana asked me as I followed Bella. "Oh yes thank you," I nodded. I followed Bella through the living room and up the staircase. "You get the room at the very end," Bella smiled, skipping down the upstairs hall. Bella stood outside the very last door and gestured to it grandly. "Here you go Ma'Lady," She spoke. I smiled and laughed. "Are you spontaneously English?" I asked. "It's like a turret," Bella whispered jokingly with a coy wink. "Oh I have something for you!" Bella gasped, running off as she called back to me, "You get settled and come downstairs so I can show you!" I smiled and opened the door, flipping on the lights.

My room was a nice size, a canopy queen bed in the middle, across from the foot board was a dresser with TV on it. The far wall had a glass set of doors out onto the balcony. To the left of the dresser was a doorway to the bathroom that had another door leading to the large walk in closet. The walls were a dark velvet red and the carpet was tan. The bed set was tan looked very soft and plushy. I looked around as I crossed the room and set on the bed, sitting my bags on the floor below my feet. I could vaguely remember playing in this room as a small girl. I took my phone out of my purse and checked it for any new messages, which I didn't have any. I wasn't sure why I would have expected someone to text me at 5 am. I got up and slowly walked downstairs. Nana and Bella were sitting at the bar in the kitchen. "Here ya go honey," Nana smiled, handing me a steaming coffee cup. I thanked her and sat down with them, taking a sit. I watched as Bella finished draining a cup of what I assumed was hot chocolate. "Here, I made this for you," Bella smiled, passing me a small beaded bracelet. It was formed of rainbow colors all braided together on white string. I looked it over in my fingers and slipped it on my wrist. "Thank you Bell," I smiled, giving her a side hug. "Alright Bell you better get to bed," Nana warned. Bella nodded sadly and gave Nana a kiss on the cheek and came back around the counter, hugging me and wishing us a good night before she ran upstairs and I heard the door to her room close.

"She was so excited you were coming," Nana laughed, putting her and Bella's mugs in the sink. "I could tell," I smiled. "Well I hate to not get to visit long tonight but I should really get to bed," Nana confessed. "Yeah I probably should too..."I murmured. "Goodnight dear. It's so nice to have you home," Nana smiled, kissing my head and going upstairs. I finished off a bit of the coffee and put the mug in the sink. I tiptoed upstairs past Nana and Bell's rooms and into my room. I silently closed the door and opened my bag, taking out some hello kitty pajama pants and a black tank top. I washed off my makeup and changed in the bathroom, putting my hair into a ponytail. I sighed and crawled into my new bed. Pulling the covers up to my chin and sinking into the warmth. I felt myself drift to sleep quickly. Even at night you could still hear the hum of traffic from the city. I was so tired though I didn't even care really. All I wanted to do was sleep.


End file.
